Mystical, maniacal, morbid Mabudachi!
by CascadeAngel
Summary: I spazzed out titling this. All one shots of, guess who, THE MABUDACHI TRIO! T since I don't know where these will go...
1. Basketball

**A/N: First off, I own nothing. Sucks for me… Secondly, please pretend the Mabudachi are about middle school age for this one and enjoy playing sports (they don't seem like those type of boys). Thirdly…nothing. Enjoy.**

Thunk, thunk, thunk,thunk, rattle, swish, thud.

Hatori knew these sounds. He also knew who was making them. He also kind of wished he didn't.

"Do they not realize it's _February_!" he hissed, trying to ignore the yelling outside. Audible shouts of "Try and beat that!" were floating up to his bedroom window.

Heaving a sigh, Hatori pulled on his jacket and went to address his loony friends.

"What in the world are you two idiots doing?" he asked, trying to brace himself against the bitter cold.

Ayame beamed, "Why Tori-san I'd think that were obvious! We're playing basketball!" Hatori rolled his eyes, "Well I can see _that, _but it's 20 degrees out here. Aaya, you transform in this kind of weather."

"But I am dressed to the nines in the warmest of winter apparel! There will be no risk of transforming in my many layers of absolutely fabulous clothing!" Hatori sighed again, why did he put up with these idiots?

"Either way, it's mid-winter. Basketball is more of a summer sport, isn't it?" Ayame grinned, "Why yes, that's the point! If we play more summertime sports then winter will feel absolutely neglected and will pass faster, allowing spring to come and then we can play all the sports our hearts desire!" He made a huge hand gesture, practically spinning on a patch of ice.

Shigure grinned mischeviously, "Well obviously Haa-san wants us gone. How 'bout a challenge? Haa-san, if you can make a basket in one shot, we'll leave you in peace."

Now wouldn't that be nice? "Fine." Hatori agreed lamely.

Shigure passed him the ball, "Good luck." and winked. Hatori positioned himself and shot.

SWOOSH!

Ayame grabbed the ball, "You cheated! We must play another game to really have a reliable score! How about 'DOG'?"

Shigure laughed, "No, no, that's not enough of a challenge, let's play 'SNAKE'!" Ayame looked theatrically offended, "Never! We cannot besmirch the name of such a glorious animal by using it in a mediocre game such as this! I know, let's play 'SEAHORSE'!"

Hatori rolled his eyes, knowing them they'd end up using that madcap Mary Poppins word, anything to keep him outside in this weather for an inhumane amount of time. Well, they were his friends at least, they had his best interests at heart…even if it killed him. And they probably always would.

He wasn't sure if that was comforting or distressing.

**A/N: Yeeeeah…hope you liked that. I came up with this while playing basketball all by my lonesome in mid-february…**

**Ayame: Oh you poor dear! If it were up to me you would never be alone again!**

**Hatori: Ayame, time to go.**

**Ayame: But I just got here! *pout***

**Hatori: Now.**

**Me: Review! Or don't…but if you do I shall be spared from throttling Ritsu in one of his spazzes. (Well I may do that anyway…) **

**Peace out -~-~-~-~-**


	2. A Gift for Ha'ri

Note: "Hatori"

"_Ayame"_

"**Shigure"**

"_Oh Tori-san to congratulate you on becoming a doctor me and Gure-san have acquired a most wonderful gift for you!"_

"What is it Ayame?"

"**Ha-san don't be so sour. We're only trying to be nice…"**

"The only thing you seem to be trying is my nerves."

"_Gure-san, I don't think Tori-san likes us anymore! Maybe we should keep the present for ourselves then!"_

"**Aaya, what would we do with it?"**

"…"

"_You make a good point Gure-san, maybe I shall give it to Tori-san after all! Here!"_

"A name plate….wait, Dr. Waterpony?"

"**Of course! You see it'll be our inside joke since you're a seahorse and every time you see it on your desk you'll be reminded of us!"**

"_Oh don't you just adore it Tori-san! Can you believe how thoughtful we were, getting you a personal present like this!"_

"Ayame, Shigure, you do understand that I won't put this on my desk."

"**But why not?"**

"_No Tori-san you can't hate it that much, we put so much effort into getting it!"_

"Being a doctor is a serious profession, and plus, what am I supposed to tell my clients when they ask about it?"

"**That it's an inside joke! Weren't you listening to me! Nobody will inquire anymore and maybe it'll catch on and then everyone will refer to you as Dr. Waterpony, even though they don't know the real reason!"**

"_Yes Tori-san, Gure-san has a point. And plus, it would break my heart if you didn't appreciate it."_

"I appreciate the gesture, but…"

"_Ah it makes me glad that you appreciate it! I can sleep tonight knowing my Tori-san is happy with the gift I provided for him! Adieu mes amis!"_

"…I wasn't finished."

"**Ah Ha-san, Aaya will be Aaya. But I too would be insulted if you didn't put our gift to good use. After all, you should be happy we even thought of you and got you something since we really had no obligation-"**

"Fine, I'll put in on my damn desk!"


	3. 3 trips

**A/N: This is like made up on the spot because Emzi tells me to update-update-update. I can't complain. I wouldn't do it as frequently otherwise…Oh yes, the Mabudachi are probably in high school or somewhere in that vicinity.**

There was a 3-day weekend, and the Mabudachi trio wanted to spend it thouroughly. Well really Shigure and Ayame, Hatori just gets dragged along for safety measures…

**Day 1:**

"Ooh ooh! Look at how much the puppies love you Gure-san!" Ayame squealed.

Hatori smacked himself on the head, "Of course they love him, and what even possessed you guys to want to come to a pet store in the first place?"

His companions looked at him like he was an idiot, "To see the animals fawn over us, duh."

"…"

"Too bad there are no snakes here though. Now I can't amaze the world with my snake-charmer impersonation!" Ayame mourned.

Shigure grinned, "Ayame it's not really an impersonation, you are a snake charme-"

Shigure stopped mid-sentence to glance down at the puppy next to him. It had begun humping his leg.

"Well Shigure, it looks like you're quite the _dog _charmer." Hatori muttered.

"Oh just shut up!" the Dog hissed.

They left the shop as soon as they could.

**Day 2:**

"Well hello there, yes it is wonderful weather we're having. Perfect for sun-bathing. Indeed. OHOHOHO no no no, I could never!"

Shigure turned to his friend, "Ha-san, I have a bad feeling about this."

"It was your idea, maybe you should have thought about this type of thing before-hand." Hatori stated.

The Dog was watching Ayame converse with the snake behind the glass, "Do you getting the same impression that I am?"

Hatori rolled his eyes, "If you mean that you think that Ayame and that snake are flirting then yes. Oh Lord, where did Ayame go?"

As they watched Ayame appeared behind the glass next to the snake he'd been talking to.

"How the hell did he manage to get in there?" Hatori asked, exasperated.

Shigure merely shrugged.

Within about five minutes two security guards appeared and escorted Ayame from the Zoo. Hatori followed them and was able to convince them not to call the cops and, somehow, got Ayame completely off the hook.

Ah Ha'ri, he can fix things…

**Day 3:**

"Tori-san, Tori-san, over here! They're over here!"

Hatori groaned as Ayame dragged him over to one of the tanks. Why didn't he just pretend he was fatally ill or something?

About a dozen seahorses immediately plastered themselves to the glass.

Hatori sighed in resignation, "Of course I can breathe. No, I did not get my fins chopped off. Actually I don't have fins. I look like a human because I _am _a human. Ugh, it's too difficult to explain. Ok stop talking all at once, you're all wrong anyway. Wait, what did you just say?"

Shigure and Ayame giggled. "Oh Aaya this is just priceless!" Shigure exclaimed through his sniggers.

"Indeed Gure-san, it seems those seahorses have really taken to Tori-san!"

They continued to laugh at their friend, who was now arguing with the gang of seahorses.

"I'm not pregnant! Yes I know male seahorses carry the offspring but still! Hey, don't call me pudgy. Who ever knew seahorses were so mean? Stop insulting me! Did you just call me homosexual? What the hell is wrong with you guys? I'm not gay. No I'm not dating either of those idiots over there. Yes I'm sure!"

Hatori strode over to his cousins, "Shigure, Ayame, time to go."

The two couldn't stop laughing the whole way home.

**A/N: Hope you liked that. Poor Hatori, seahorses can just be such jerks sometimes…**


	4. Shigure's jokes

"Hey guys, I learned some new jokes! Wanna here 'em?" Shigure asked.

He was met by conflicting answers.

"Yes, of course! I'd love to hear _anything _you'll tell me, my dear Gure-san!"

"No."

Shigure grimaced, "Aw Ha-san you're so mean!"

"Any joke of yours is prone to be perverted. I don't want nor need to hear it." Hatori replied bluntly.

"Well I'm gonna tell them to you anyway!" Shigure pouted. Ayame sat in front of the Dog like a little kid during storytime.

"Ok. So there's this man who has no arms and no legs. What do you call him if you hang him on your wall?"

Ayame shrugged and stared intently, waiting for the answer. Hatori shrugged.

"Art! Ok ok, so then what would you call him if you threw him in your pool?"

His friends repeated their previous stances.

"Bob! Hahaha, I crack myself up. Ok what if you threw him in your garden?"

Ayame was cracking up, unable to give an answer. Hatori couldn't believe they thought these were funny.

"Phil! And whataya call him when you lay him down in front of your door?"

"…Shigure really? These are just cruel."

"Oh but Ha-san that's the point! And you would call him Matt!"

The Dog and the Snake continued to guffaw at the idiotic puns.

"Wait wait, I haven't even done the best one yet! So then what would you call him if you lugged him onto a boat, sailed out to sea, and then tossed him into the water?"

Hatori sighed, could he really be related to these…these nutjobs?

"Screwed!"

The two were nearly rolling on the floor, tears of mirth in their eyes.

"Will you two get out of my office and left me work?" the Dragon hissed.

His comrades stumbled out the door, barely able to breath. Anyone that didn't know them would have sworn they were drunk.

Hatori glanced back down at his paperwork. _Screwed, that's so stupid it's kinda funny._

And he started to laugh despite himself.

Out in the hall Ayame and Shigure exchanged a thumbs up. _Victory!_

**A/N: All of the stories in this seem to be Shigure and Aaya doing something aggravating to Hatori. Ah well, que sera sera. But these jokes are so my kind of humor. I told them to my friends and they found them funny so I'm not **_**that **_**crazy. If anyone cares, I learned these from my mom. Hi mom! *ecstatic wave***


	5. Missaplied Jealousy

"Akito-san, you wanted to see us? What do you need?" Shigure asked.

I glared at the Dog, "I need you to stop hanging out with that girl."

Hatori blinked at me, "Akito-san, what girl?"

I felt a flash of anger rise up in my chest, "Don't act stupid. That girl you're always hanging around with."

The two shot quizzical glances at each other. I lost it.

"DON'T ACT LIKE YOU TWO DON'T KNOW WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT! YOU'RE ALWAYS WITH HER, ALMOST INSEPERABLE! AND SHE HANGS ALL OVER YOU JUST CAUSE SHE CAN! WELL I DON'T CARE IF SHE'S PART OF THE ZODIAC, I DON'T WANT YOU TWO NEAR HER!"

"Akito-san, what g-"

I slapped Hatori as hard as I could, how dare he defy me, acting so clueless. The impact sent him reeling.

I pushed myself up from the floor, seething. "You're just trying to abandon me. Leave me behind. That girl is a bad influence on you, always hanging on you and admiring you…"

And Shigure began to laugh. "H-Haa-san, I think she's talking about Aaya!"

I glared at Shigure, "Aaya. You even have a nickname for her."

Hatori looked at me cautiously, "Akito-san, Ayame's a guy."

"Don't lie to me," I spat, "You're just trying to get out of obeying me!"

Shigure was still chortling, "No, no, Ayame's really a guy. Hard to believe but it's true."

"DAMMIT DON'T LIE TO ME!" I screamed, wanting so desperately to throw something at him. There was nothing in my reach.

Shigure smiled at me, "Akito-san, don't worry. No one's stealing us from you, you're suffering from a severe case of misapplied jealousy. The chances of one of us running of with Aaya are very slim."

"I DON'T CARE! I DON'T CARE ANYORE! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!" They did.

I could hear Shigure still laughing as he walked away down the hall, "Haa-san, you know it's gotta be bad when even God doesn't know Ayame's gender."

Damn them all.

**A/N: OK, this one was a bit different. The idea was so awesome in my head, but once I typed it I lost the magic. Blah, Akito's point of view. That's probably not normal in a Mabudachi fic…**

**Reviews are nice and reviews with ideas for new chapters are worshiped.**


	6. Hatori's Secret Love Affair

**A/N: Ok, so this one here is based on a telephone conversation I had with my friend in which I was Hatori and she was herself.**

Shigure sat on a chair in Hatori's office, thinking, while Hatori did his work that required him to ignore his two friends adjacent to him.

"Hey Haa-san."

"What now?"

Shigure sat up, smiling at Aaya, "Can we ask you stuff, like '20 questions'?"

Hatori turned around in his chair, "Hmmm. Fine, though it's against my better judgment."

The other two squealed and then huddled together and whispered. The Dragon sighed and turned back to his desk, knowing his cousins these questions would be nothing short of agony.

Shigure looked up first, "Hey Haa-san, are you secretly in love with me?"

"No."

"Oh Haa-san you wound me! Hmmm, how about Aaya?"

"No."

Ayame feigned insult. "How about Yuki?"

"What kinds of questions are these? And no."

"They're the kind of questions you agreed to answer! Are you in love with Hatsuharu?"

"No."

"Kisa?"

"Are you calling me a pedophile?"

"THAT'S NOT A NO!"

The doctor rolled his eyes, "I meant it to be."

"Pff, fine then…Momiji?"

"No."

"Hatori?"

"Wai-what?"

The Dog laughed, "Sorry, sorry, I was going in order of the Zodiac! Um, already said Aaya, Rin?"

"No."

"Hiro?"

"NO."

"A bit forceful on that one Haa-san, think he's lying Aaya?"

The Snake tossed his hair, "Hm, I don't think so. He's just is fed up with our questions and thinks we're both idiots."

A silence followed. Shigure cleared his throat, "Well, erm, way to be insightful Aaya. ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH RITSU?"

"No, and why are you yelling?"

"C'MON DON'T TELL ME THAT CROSS-DRESSING DOESN'T TURN YOU ON!"

Hatori raised his eyebrow, "Does it for you?"

"Um, moving on…are you in love with…KURENO? OH THAT WOULD BE THE MOST AWESOME LOVE STORY EVER, THE TWO PEOPLE HELPLESSLY BOUND TO THEIR GOD THAT ARE ALSO HOPELESSLY IN LOVE!"

"Stop that, you sound like an idiot. And no."

"Dammit, I thought I was gonna have a bestseller there…ah well, do you love Kagura?"

"No."

"Kyo?"

"No."

"Uotani-chan?"

"Who?"

"Oh Tohru's friend. I actually don't think you've met her…"

Hatori face-palmed, _now the idiot's trying to pair me with people I don't even know…_

"Mayu-chan?"

Ayame looked at the Dog, "Gure-san is that really a secret?"

"Hmm, no I guess not…ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH OUR PRECIOUS TOHRU-CHAN!"

"No."

"Are you in love with Kazuma?"

"NO."

"Akito-san?"

"Wow, it took you a while to say that, but no."

"Ooh she'll be pissed if she hears that…Ren-san?"

"No."

"Hmmm. Oh Haa-san are you in love with that old maid woman who always waits on Akito-san. For the life of me I can't remember her name…"

The room was awkwardly silent for a moment.

"Haa-san why don't you ans-OH MY GOD HAA-SAN IS IN LOVE WITH THE GROUCHY OLD MAID WOMAN OH MY GOD THIS IS PRICELESS! AHAHAHAHAHA! WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT!"

Shigure was practically rolling on the floor with his laughter, tears in his eyes.

"DO YOU GUYS GO OUT ON SECRET DATES WHEN AKITO-SAN ISN'T WATCHING!"

"Shigure."

The Dog looked up to receive Hatori's death glare, "I swear if you say anything to anyone at all I will make your life hell."

"Eep, Haa-san's scary! Alright alright, my lips are sealed! I'll tell not a soul, I swear!"

"Good."

As he and Ayame left the room, Shigure smiled to himself.

"What is it, Gure-san?"

Without a word the Dog pulled out a small tape recorder he had hidden in his robe, "I was hoping to get him admitting to loving someone in the Zodiac, especially us, but this was even better!" He chuckled merrily.

"Are you going to show it to people?"

"Of course!"

The Snake blinked, "But then that means you lied to Tori-san when you said you wouldn't tell-"

"No no, you see Aaya, I said I wouldn't tell. I never said I wouldn't play it back!"

"Oh Gure-san, you're so devious."


	7. Catchphrase

**A/N: Woah, I was just going through a whole bunch of Word Documents and I found this half-finished. Well I can't just leave it like that, can I? *winks* Ah…okay…well I hope you all enjoy!**

"Tori-san! Gure-san is poking me!" Ayame trilled.

Hatori rolled his eyes, they acted so immature sometimes.

"I am not poking you!" Shigure chuckled, jabbing Aaya in the arm. The latter began to cry loudly and in an extremely aggravating manner.

"Will you two _shut up_!" Hatori hissed. It was hard to focus on his paper when they were being this loud.

"Oh Haa-san!" Shigure whimpered, "You know us, we never shut up! Ahhh, ummmm…"

Hatori glared at him again, "What?" Shigure looked at him blankly, "I need a catch phrase, something to describe us…what could it be?"

Ayame piped up, "OOH! A catchphrase! That sounds fabulous! We shall find the absolutely most _glorious _catch phrase in the world for my dear Gure-san!"

"It's gotta be zingy, something I can use at nauseum, maybe in a foreign language so I can confuse everyone around me!" Shigure contemplated, growing excited.

Hatori sighed, "You two are such idiots…I'm not going to come up with a 'catch phrase' for you, Shigure…"

The Dog pouted and squeezed out a few false tears, "B-But Haa-san, if you don't help me we'll never come up with a snazzy catch phrase for me! Then what woes will befall me, huh? A poor man, wandering, helpless, with no catchy line of his own! Oh the horror~"

The Dragon glared at the blubbering man before him, "Oh well, qué será, será."

Shigure leaned on Hatori's desk, a devilish gleam in his eye, "Huh, ¿qué será, sera? I kind of like that. I think I'll use it! Thanks, Haa-san, I've got my catchphrase!" He went prancing out of the office with a blithe smile going ear to ear, Ayame following suit.

"Idiots…"


End file.
